So Close Yet So Far
by Elli Vaughn
Summary: Haevnen/In A Better World Marianne ponders the breakdown of her marriage.


Marianne didn't want to take him back; after his betrayal, she had no interest in keeping their relationship or even seeing him. She had to see him on occasion, for the boys. Where once it had been wedge between them that he was away for so long and so far away, now it was a godsend. The farther the better, as far as Marianne was concerned.

She knew she was getting on in years, but while she didn't have the look of a twenty year-old, she wasn't yet ready to be shelved. Her skin was relatively smooth, she kept her trim figure, and many men still considered her very attractive. Nearing forty was no party, but it didn't have to be a dirge, either. So why had Anton gone after a girl of only twenty-two? What on earth could they have in common? Oh, yes. And that's all, really. The girl was beautiful and vapid; the qualities men seek in women when they themselves are young or heading into the standard middle age crisis. Marianne didn't have patience for a man with a wife and two young children to suddenly need heaps of validation about his virility. She'd always found Anton attractive and their sex life had been healthy. He'd spent time with Morten and Elias, balanced work and home life well.

Then she happened. Marianne kept running through her mind what she'd missed. What had she done to trigger this insecurity, if anything? Did she have anything to do with it at all? It didn't matter now, but something in her continued the mental torture and guilt trips. The kids resented her, she knew it. They were too young to understand her feelings – they just knew Daddy wasn't around very much at all anymore.

Anton had reassured her time and again that it was over between him and his new paramour, but Marianne didn't believe him. Had no reason to. She kept busy with work and keeping up with the kids and tried not to dwell on Anton. Nights were lonely, though. Many times she'd rolled over and wanted to feel Anton's form there, to put her arm around him and feel safe. He'd apologized so many times, expressed interest in getting back together, but Marianne ended up in tears every time he attempted these reconciliations. The wound was still open and in a sick way, it comforted her. At times she delved into bad memories the way a child might pick at a scab and watch it bleed anew. A punishment for not being what Anton wanted and allowing him to stray. Logic told her that of course it was his choice, he knew better. He was a grown man and they'd already been married almost fifteen years. He'd never complained about her looks, in fact he often complimented her. There was no warning of his affair, it came out of nowhere and hit Marianne like a freight train.

Marianne had been called in to a meeting with Elias's teacher and the principal of his school. Anton had to be present, but as usual he didn't say much. The subject was how Elias had been bullied by a monster of a kid called Sofus. Sofus was behind a grade and already towered at least four inches above his classmates. He enjoyed picking on younger kids, smaller kids. It had gone on long enough. The teacher made it sound like the problems Anton and Marianne were having somehow caused the problems at school, and Marianne took great offense to this idea. Elias wasn't the most well adjusted, but he was attacked because Anton was Swedish and also because of Elias's retainer. Two things Elias had no control over. Sofus had targeted him, and Marianne knew the only permanent solution was to pull Elias out of the school. It was not an option at this point. And there was Anton, sitting through the meeting and allowing Marianne's character to be assassinated. How dare they insinuate things about their personal lives, anyway? They had that horrible child in Elias's class when he should not have even been allowed at the school. It was the school setting the parents up for failure and blaming the parents when the shit hit the fan.

When all was said and done, nothing had been resolved and Marianne drove Elias home in silence. She hadn't even said goodbye to Anton, just left him standing next to his car as she pulled out of the lot. Looking in her rearview mirror, he seemed very alone and forsaken.

_Welcome to MY world_, she thought as his reflection grew smaller and smaller until he disappeared.


End file.
